What Does it Take to be Dirtbag Royalty?


The Dirtbag Ball is just around the corner, and we will soon be crowing a new King and Queen. Many have asked, just exactly what does it take to be Dirtbag Royalty? Well, here’s our loose criteria.

Skiing – this is one of the most important qualities of dirtbag royalty

  • You should ski a lot of days each season
  • You have to put in a lot of seasons at Crystal – it takes time

Job – below is a list of jobs that are fitting for dirtbag royalty:

  • None
  • A job we can’t talk about
  • Working a night shift at a low paying job (i.e. pizza delivery, night janitor, etc)
  • Doing something that allows for a lot of midweek skiing
Sid Kurtz, 2012 DBB King

Housing – below is a list of housing circumstances that are fitting for dirtbag royalty:

  • None – couch surfing, etc.
  • Car – your mailing address is your license plate
  • Shack – small, dilapidated/old and lacks certain necessities like water or heat
  • Camper – you should actually live in your camper as opposed to just staying there while you ski and then going home to your mansion in Madison Park
  • Tent/Snow Cave
  • Tight quarters – you live in 3-bedroom house, but you have 13 roommates and the door to your “room” is actually a curtain

Waking up

  • Getting in the gondola line before 9:00am consistently is good
  • Staying up late at the Elk and still getting on the gondola line before 9:00am is even better

Appearances (looking like a Dirtbag)

  • Showering – should never conflict with getting first chair
  • Haircuts – should be done by friends with clippers or trauma shears
  • Laundry – doing your laundry in Enumclaw more than once a month is probably too much
  • Not Spending Money (aka being cheap)
    • Gear
  • You should buy cheap skis at thrift stores ii.     Skiing on old gear like rear-entry boots and 207cm straight skis is good iii.     Your retro skiwear party outfit should be your everyday clothing iv.     Mismatched boots or skis are good
  • Food and drink (“are you going to finish that?”)
  • You drink the beer in the bottom of the pitcher that someone left on the table .
  • You eat the leftover food off of people’s plates at the elk
Jesse and Corey, giving it all they got

Being an Ambassador

  • Patrol should be able to come to you with info to pass along to other regulars/locals

Stepping it up

  • You may have been at Crystal for a long time and have a lot of dirtbag qualities, but you should step it up for a season in order to get elected

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